[wdvltalk-social] Church Dictionary - Mencken
smilepoet at vfemail.net
Fri Feb 29 11:27:31 GMT 2008
Just turned this up and thought it might amuse
A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
A place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to people who will never get there.
A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.
The inner voice which warns us that someone is looking.
The feeling that makes one believe a man, even when one knows that one would lie in his place.
A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.
That which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
A series of failures. Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.
A bribe paid by a rich man to escape the lawful penalty of his crime.
A No. 16 neck in a No. 15 1/2 collar.
One who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
The morality of those who are having a better time.
The theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.
The delusion that one woman differs from another.
The theory that every human act must either be right or wrong, and that 99% of them are wrong.
One employed by the wicked to prove to them by his example that virtue doesn't pay.
An idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, everyone, and (b) that is not true.
The theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow, and is certainly a damned fool.
A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.
A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
- H.L. Mencken
A Book of Burlesques [1916, 1924]
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