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<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>Just turned this up and thought it might
amuse</FONT></DIV>
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<U>Church Dictionary</U><BR><BR>Archbishop<BR> A
Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by
Christ.<BR><BR>Church<BR> A place in which gentlemen who
have never been to Heaven brag about it to people who will never get
there.<BR><BR>Clergyman<BR> A ticket speculator outside
the gates of Heaven.<BR><BR>Conscience<BR> The inner
voice which warns us that someone is
looking.<BR><BR>Confidence<BR> The feeling that makes
one believe a man, even when one knows that one would lie in his
place.<BR><BR>Creator<BR> A comedian whose audience is
afraid to laugh.<BR><BR>Evil<BR> That which one believes
of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a
mistake.<BR><BR>Experience<BR> A series of failures.
Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail
again.<BR><BR>Fine<BR> A bribe paid by a rich man to
escape the lawful penalty of his
crime.<BR><BR>Husband<BR> A No. 16 neck in a No. 15 1/2
collar.<BR><BR>Idealist<BR> One who, on noticing that a
rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better
soup.<BR><BR>Immorality<BR> The morality of those who
are having a better time.<BR><BR>Jealousy<BR> The theory
that some other fellow has just as little
taste.<BR><BR>Love<BR> The delusion that one woman
differs from another.<BR><BR>Morality<BR> The theory
that every human act must either be right or wrong, and that 99% of them are
wrong.<BR><BR>Pastor<BR> One employed by the wicked to
prove to them by his example that virtue doesn't
pay.<BR><BR>Platitude<BR> An idea (a) that is admitted
to be true by everyone, everyone, and (b) that is not
true.<BR><BR>Psychology<BR> The theory that the patient
will probably get well anyhow, and is certainly a damned
fool.<BR><BR>Sunday<BR> A day given over by Americans to
wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their
neighbors were dead and in Hell.<BR><BR>Sunday
School<BR> A prison in which children do penance for the
evil conscience of their
parents.<BR><BR>
- H.L.
Mencken<BR> A
Book of Burlesques [1916, 1924]</DIV>
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<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>Joseph Harris</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>